WANT A FREE RADIATION TREATMENT???

Dear airport x-ray machine manufacturer, the people who bought it, the people who installed it, and the people who trained TSA employees how to use it. You suck. You are not protecting people. You are getting them sick. This is why you suck.

Unless of course, the above mentioned are out to cure cancer. Then bravo. Thanks for the free radiation treatment.

TSA is x-raying crew members carrying a badge. Seriously? Are flight attendants a threat to airport security? Nothing like getting a shot of radiation before I get another shot of radiation (during the flight). Even if you are in uniform, if you're pass riding, you are likely to get a x-ray.

Shoe stores used to carry machines that provided x-rays for their customers for a proper fitting shoe until they realized that radiation causes permanent heart, lung, and skin damage. Heck, it kills cancer!! Perhaps it's the same manufacturer.

Any thought? Would love to hear them.

Purser Liz

Could you heat this up in your microwave?

Could you heat this up in your microwave?

-Miss Understood.

Dear Miss Understood,

First of all, please address me by "Purser Liz" as in "Dear Purser Liz" and "Thank you for your time Purser Liz". I believe you are not miss understood, just rude. We do not have microwaves on the plane. We have industrial sized Betty Crocker Easy Bake ovens that are for heating up our Betty Crocker Easy Bake passenger meals. I recommend you bring a meal that does not require cooking and more of my time Miss Understood and no we do not have utensils. Perhaps you can shove your meal into a baby bottle and we can fill an airsick bag with hot water to heat up your meal. If you must have your meal heated up in a microwave, you always have the option of bringing your own microwave and heating it up at the airport terminal before boarding the plane.

See ya' on the red-eye,

Purser Liz

chicken or pee pee chicken

Dear Purser Liz,

What should we do when we have a 93 yr old man come into the galley and start unbuttoning his buckle and proceeding to try and pee on the meal cart! We were lucky enough to get him into the bathroom, where he stood up sleeping for the next 20 minutes. He finally started to come alive in the next hour, after we found out he had taken 3 sleeping pills! Yikes!

-Kalenajeana

Dear Sky Goddess Kalenajeana-

You handled it like the Sky Goddess you are!! I am just grateful that he came alive or else you would have to fill out a report. This being said, I can understand why an elder would want to pee on our over priced (the price of a meal at Coco's), credit card only (seniors don't have credit cards only senior discount cards) "meal". He should be at home eating a cookie making racist remarks and watching WWII movies.

See ya' on the red-eye, Purser Liz

The Middle Seat

Danny Ceballos Tell me Purser... what's the appropriate and effective way, when one is in a middle seat, of letting the people on either side of you know that you are ENTITLED to both armrests!! It makes me CRAZY that people are so f'ing selfish without realizing it. Ahhh... I feel better just asking the question. Thanks Purser!


Dear Frequent Flyer Danny-

Since you were assigned a middle seat in "the village," you are obviously poor and purchased your ticket on "I'macheepo.com". You are entitled to nothing let alone armrests. I recommend bringing your flight crew a small gift like chocolates from your local specialty shop and the crew may make eye contact with you as you try to wiggle your elbows onto the corners of the armrests. The chocolates may cost you more than that middle seat you purchased so it's really your call. Ahhh.... I feel better too! Glad I can help.

See ya' on the red-eye,
Purser Liz

GALLEY TALK

Frequent Flyers seem to enjoy my random banter in between songs so I've decided leave this area open for questions, concerns and chit chat. Like any good purser, I prefer questions about lost luggage, where are we flying over and questions like "can I go visit the cockpit?" If you have a sense of humor... great. If you don't... even better!

See ya' on the red-eye,
Purser Liz